PARENTING TIPS

Wise parents do certain things for their children to help them become strong and healthy people in all areas of their lives; physically, emotionally and spiritually. We hope you will do all of these and more.

Pray for your children

The power of a parent’s prayer in the life of a child is great. It acknowledges that God is in control and releases His power to help your child and your family. God has said that He answers your prayers for your children to the next several generations.

Express your love to your child openly and often: 

Let them hear you say, “I love you” in both word and deed each day. Hugs, kisses and other appropriate physical touch from parents to their children are like water for plants. They are essential for the healthy emotional connection and growth.

The emotional needs of a child for affection have been likened to a “love tank” that needs to be filled with unconditional love from their parents. If the tank isn’t full, you can expect emotional problems from your child, such as behavioral problems. Many of the behavior problems that we see in our patients are the result of un-met emotional needs of unconditional love from their parents. You can not assume your child knows that you love him or her. You must tell them and show them on a daily basis.

We recommend that you read the book by Drs. Ross Campbell and Gary Chapman, called the “Five Love Languages of Children”. This book describes the ways that we as people both express and receive love.

These five ways that parents can express their love to their children are:

1. physical touch (hugs, kisses, pats on the shoulder, etc.)
2. words of affirmation (genuine praise)
3. acts of service to the child
4. quality time spent alone with the child receiving the parents undivided attention (Children spell the word “love”, “TIME”)
5. gifts that come from the parent’s heart

We urge you, love your children and demonstrate that love to them. Loving your child well will help them more than anything you can do for them. Give them memories of loving, rich family experiences.

Communicate well with your child: 

Listen to your kids. Talk with them. Give them your undivided attention. Family meal times are ideal for conversation. Take your meals together as a family around the dinner table. Have your kids turn off their phones and screens. Try to avoid shallow communication. Talk deeply with your children. Talk about feelings and the meaning of life events. Teach them the principles behind your words and actions. Let them see the reasons for what you are saying.

Take family vacations together. Go the national parks. The cost of admission is minimal and the scenery can give you and your family a love of nature and many fun memories together.

Be honest with your kids in your communication about your family and the world around them. There is no way to “fool a child” with words or “shield them” from the hard truth. “The truth will set you free” is a very true statement. The opposite is also true. Children can see how things really are without words being spoken. In addition, children will not trust parents who are not honest with them. The truth always seems to come out. So, if your child is adopted, tell them so, from their birth. Make the story of their adoption a celebrated part of their life-story. Children that learn of their adoption later in life, tend to harbor hurt feelings toward their adoptive parents. The story of their adoption will make them feel special even if their story contains hard elements.

Similarly, if your child has a behavioral problem for which you are seeking medical attention, don’t whisper it to us in an office visit or ask for a private conversation. Be honest about the problem. Let your child know of your concerns. Honesty is a big step towards good emotional health and resolution of problem behaviors. Be truthful and real with your child, including them hearing the hard stuff. 

Train your children:

Train your children. Teach them. Instruct them. Correct them. Teach them how to obey. Talk about obedience and then coach them on how to obey you. For instance, don’t pick up your child’s toys on the floor or snatch something from their hands that they shouldn’t be holding. Instead, ask them to put the toys up or release the thing that they are holding and keep up your encouragement for them to obey until they actually do it. It may take longer to help them to obey you, but this step is necessary for them.

Teach your child wisdom, knowledge, courtesy and common sense. Teach them, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (the Golden Rule). Teach them about God.

Make the right school choice:

Ensure your child attends a good school that aligns with your values. This decision is important from their first daycare to all subsequent educational choices, including college or professional school.

Study your children: 

Learn what makes your child tick. Know their needs, their personality, and their temperament. Children are all different and need different things from their parents. So, what worked in parenting for one child may not be what the next child needs. Wise parents know this and strive to meet those individual needs. As you discover the makeup of your child, modify your parenting style to maximize your child’s potential. One of the needs of every child is stability in the home environment. Strive to give them this needed stability.

Think and talk about your child often: 

Think about your child’s physical, emotional and spiritual well being. Read, reflect, communicate. Talk about their condition with your spouse and/or other important people in your life. Seek our guidance when needed.

Control your family’s access and use of television, video and the Internet: 

See the accident prevention section for the teenage years of this handbook for more information on this topic. Values are taught and caught by children. Make sure that they are getting the right ones. Internet pornography is a major problem, especially for adolescent boys. Attention to ratings on television shows and movies is important, as well as filters on Internet sites. Violent video games have also been shown to be problematic in the instillation of proper values in young people. Be careful what they watch.

Help your child build good relationships with others: 

Associate with family members and friends whose life-styles are a positive example for your child. Do not allow your child to associate with “people from a rough crowd”. They will most definitely be affected by them in a very negative way. Who your child associates with will in a large extent determine their values and behavior. Help your child choose healthy friends. Character matters!

Inspire hope in your child:

Help your child dream big dreams. Talk about their future and what they want to be and to do when they grow up. If your child wants to be a fireman, visit the fire station. Inspire hope in your child. Lay foundations of hope for the future, this will help ensure success.

Aptitude testing in the 11th grade is a good way to get help in finding a career. One resource is the Johnson O’Connor research foundation: jocrf. org. 

Discipline your children:

Discipline is very important in a child’s life. It will mold how they interact with others and how they view themselves. See the two next sections below for more information